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Our Dream Wedding

(Apparently, this got lost in the drafts section and didn’t get posted. Until now.)

It’s April 18, 2020. Everyone on our guest list is there. Heck, if I’m dreaming then my Grammy Smith is there too. South Portland Church of the Nazarene is illuminated by sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows. There are beautiful, but simple flower arrangements on either side of the altar, which has the unity candle and two white tapers on it, waiting to be lit. Someone dear is playing the piano, perhaps my cousin Courtney, Aunt Debbie, or Barb Cousineau. Now that I’ve met her, I’d be happy for Beth Taube to do it too. In the dreamiest of dreams, it would be my mom, but, I couldn’t actually do that to her, as I wanted her to be able to process and do the Mother of the Bride thing.

It had been a wonderful morning. Jess, Meg, my mom and I had gone for a beautiful run. My bridesmaids and I had a blast getting ready: singing, laughing, eating delicious snacks, and having the time of our lives primping for the special occasion. Janaye (who did my hair and makeup) made great contributions to the laughter that was constantly coming out of the room and down the hallway.

“Carrie’s Song” (by my first boyfriend ever, Colin Britt –I know that’s weird, but it’s a really pretty instrumental song, but Justin and I talked about it, and he was ok with it. This is my dream, anyway.) starts to play, and the grandparents start making their way down the aisle. Justin’s brother Jeff walks Grandma Gail down, my brother Zach walks Grandma Gates down, then the parents come. Both my brothers, Zach and Dan, walk down with my mom. The moms go and light the tapers on either side of the unity candle. At some point, the groomsmen and woman take their places up front. Roger is up front. Justin is not. Pachabel’s canon in D is played next as the bridesmaids come in. First comes Ray Ray, the mutual friend that gave confidence and humanity to Justin’s and my connection on eHarmony. Then, Jessica, a friend from the US I grew very close to while we both lived in Costa Rica. Next, Meg, a fellow missionary and dear, fun friend from college. She’s followed by Marsha, my bosom friend since 8th grade. Then, my matron of honor, my cousin and “triplet” Christianne. (I also would have loved to have a few of my Costa Rican friends be bridesmaids, especially Angie and Vane.) After an extra pause, my precious flower girl, Lucía Kamper makes her way down the aisle in her white “spinny” dress, with a huge adorable smile on her 4 year old face. I took her brothers and grandma to the hospital to meet her the day she was born. I love this girl! She evenly strews white rose petals down the aisle (I know this really means I’m dreaming!). She joyfully finishes her task and takes her seat with her parents and brothers.

There is a dramatic pause. Then, “Here Comes the Bride” starts to play and I enter with my dad. If we’re really dreaming here, he’s walking, no cane or anything. But, in lesser dreamland, he’s riding his scooter. We have zero issues with my dress getting caught in his wheels. Everyone is on their feet and beaming at me. Those who like to look at the groom’s reaction to the bride’s entrance (or anyone else who has noticed the groom’s absence) are wild with confusion though. Where is Justin? What is going on? I smile and try to hold back the tears as I make my way down the aisle. My heart is bursting with joy.

Roger gives a brief welcome and addresses Justin’s absence. He explains how marriage is a reflection of Christ and the Church, and how the Groom will one day come for his Bride. He explains that just as Christ’s Bride is waiting for him to return, I waited a long time for Justin. In my original dream, we listen to the song “While I’m waiting” by John Waller. In our wedding plans, we were talking about a different song, probably sung by Bizzy. Somehow at the end of the song, or perhaps with a piece of another song, Justin enters humbly, yet triumphantly. Our eyes brim with tears as we see each other for the first time that day. I’m smiling so big my face feels stretched and full, like it can’t do justice to the emotions I’m feeling.

The service proceeds. Roger leads most of it, but we have various friends and pastors participate by reading Scriptures: Brian Barry, Graham Strondak, and Doris Juarez. Chris Flathers shares a brief, simple, gospel-laden homily. Bizzy sings a beautiful solo, and we have a couple congregational songs too, including “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” Right before the pronouncement and kiss, Roger invites all our pastor friends to come forward and lay hands on us and pray. Liz and Noah Kamper, Brian and Jackie Barry, Graham Strondak, Trevor Stillin (the Best Man), David Pope, Kevin & Claudia Abegg, Father Greg, Manfred Karolyi, Chris Flathers, Jack & Mary Anne Voelkel, and Rudy Corea & Ana Luisa Castro. Mary Anne and Rudy lead the prayer, with Silvia Karolyi interpreting for Rudy. Any other clergy friends we forgot to name come forward too. I would have really loved Ethan Magness to be there. It is a beautiful, powerful time of prayer, and the words prayed over us are seared into our hearts and engraved in our memory.

Roger declares us husband and wife, we kiss, and recess. The whole thing has been under an hour and no one got bored at any moment during the ceremony. Isn’t it fun to dream?

We have a smooth easy photo session with our family and wedding party. Justin and I head to Portland Headlight to take some pictures “just us” (or maybe with some immediate family and wedding party?). When we enter the reception, we see Eastpoint’s lobby is tastefully decorated by Jada, the same sweet, generous woman who did all the flowers. People are mingling and playing cornhole, giant jenga, bocce, and other games on the turf. We had hoped to still have a party someday, but at this point, that feels pretty doubtful. The events of the reception weren’t as significant to me though. All that matters was that there was enough food and lots of fun. (And a delicious cake by Karen Goslin, of course!)

The wedding was always a dream. We were going to approximate it as best as we could, but reality often gets in the way of dreams. It couldn’t possibly all happen just as I had dreamed. Our wedding ended up not being much like my dream at all, but, God had a plan, and I’ll take his plans over my dreams. Every.Single.Time.

What’s MPD about anyway?

I feel like God has been speaking to me clearly about Ministry Partner Development. Ministry Partner Development: It’s a long name, but it’s intentional. Sometimes I wish it was more descriptive, because it is about so much more than money and raising funds for mission work. Ministry Partner Development is inviting people to participate with us in ministry.

The truth that just keeps hitting me is this: being a ministry partner isn’t giving to charity. Justin and I aren’t just opting to live on handouts. We aren’t abusing the generosity of others. The Ministry Partner Development (ok, we’ll call it MPD so I don’t have to keep typing it out) training we received with UWM started with laying a strong, clear biblical foundation before even mentioning the first “how-to.” Jesus said, “The worker is worthy of his wages” (Luke 10:7). The Levites, Nehemiah, Jesus and his disciples, Paul, and others received financial support as they dedicated themselves to the work God had set before them. They didn’t receive handouts or charity. It was the participation of others in doing God’s work. MPD is all about each member of the Body of Christ being obedient to God and carrying out his or her specific role as a part of the Body.

I think the MPD process can be hard because people think of it as being asked to give their money to a person or cause. But really, it’s simply reallocating part of God’s blessing back towards him. It’s joining him on mission! Justin and I have the joy of inviting people to join our team to do His work in Guatemala. We’d love for as many of you to come aboard as possible! For more information on how you can partner with us, head to teamstafinski.com/partner (or just click the “Join our support team!” button above on the menu)!

The Light above the Clouds

In mid-March, as Justin and I flew to Chicago for a friend’s wedding, I was overcome by some wild feelings. It was my first time traveling since I flew from Costa Rica to the US in December, and, my brain expected to be returning instead of going to a different destination. I ended up expressing my sentiments in the following poem (thank you, Southwest for encouraging my artistic expression!).

The plane takes off
Old hopes meet me in the air
We’re going home now!
But no
I didn’t even need to bring my passport with me
I had just out of habit
The tears fall as we rise into the clouds
I’m enveloped in sadness
But, above the clouds, the sun is always shining
God remains present and in control,
holding me long after Justin releases his embrace.
I keep looking down, expecting to see the green mountains of Costa Rica through the windows in the clouds.
Not this time.
I turn my head up and receive the warm glow of God’s presence.
It fills me with peace.

The Most Loving Thing

The events of the last few months have been difficult to process. Justin and I have been dealing with the effects of COVID-19: sheltering in place, changing our wedding plans multiple times, a postponed honeymoon (for who knows when), canceled tickets to see Les Miserables, etc. We know we’re not the only ones who have had to deal with this though. We know lots of other couples have had to make decisions about their weddings. And we know everyone has been affected in some way or another: people have been out of work, surgeries have been delayed, house buying has gotten messed up, etc. I think for most people on the planet, life has had an enormous monkey wrench thrown into it. And that feels like an understatement.

But it’s not just Coronamess we’re dealing with here, although Coronavirus, and now the gradual reopening of the world has brought about all sorts of conflict regarding what should be open and what are the proper requirements of these places and the people who go to them.

Ahmed Aubrey died. George Floyd died. And several others, but I (and a lot of the USA) was struck particularly by these two cases. Horrifying examples of racial injustice and a billion other things. And now this has led to protests, riots, and a billion things more.

In all of this, emotions are high, opinions are strong, hearts are broken, and the evidence thereof is constantly slamming us in the face. I am grieving for my country. I have heard stories and seen images and videos that have brought me to tears. Honestly, I’m glad. My heart should be broken. How must God feel about all this? Don’t I want my heart to be like his? What does that look like in these times?

A question has been rolling around in my mind a lot lately when thinking of difficult situations: What is the most loving thing I can do? Not what feels best. Not what is most comfortable for me. But, in seeking to be the hands and feet of Jesus to everyone around me, what is the most loving thing I can do right now?

That’s a hard question to answer. First, I think one thing to do is grieve. Lamenting is a common practice in the Bible, and a significant percentage of the Psalms are laments. Those of us who are followers of Jesus need to cry out to God and acknowledge before him that things are not as they ought to be. We also need to practice self examination and repentance. How have we participated in the propagation of systemic/societal (or even personal) racism? How have we been handling Coronavirus, CDC recommendations, and reopening? I think it’s important to do some prayerful research and consideration, and determine what steps we will take–what the most loving thing is that we can do in this time.

A few more pieces of advice come to mind. Let’s listen. Let’s seek to understand others and not just make sure we’ve been understood. Let’s ask questions and not interrupt before our conversation mate finishes talking. Let’s be patient. Let’s be considerate. Let’s be respectful. It seems people are having a harder and harder time agreeing to disagree, or even being able to respectfully disagree with one another. We live in a selfish, broken world, but with God’s grace and acting in his love, we can make it a better place.